Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
