it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
