Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
