that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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