But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
