I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
