Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
