And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
