my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
