You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
