Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
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you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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