Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
