My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
