we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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