It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize