I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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