They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
