I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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