somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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