He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
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