This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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