call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I want to fling myself into the sun
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
