he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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