Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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