I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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