What did we do last night that was yellow?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
