Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
