I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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