It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
