So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
