you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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