Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
