Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
