there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
