So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We named our party play list daddy issues
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
