I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
