Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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