Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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