i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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