I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
