so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
