home. puking in laundry basket.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
