Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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