i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
