My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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