I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
