dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
