2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize