and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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