He is like the real live version of the state fair..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
