Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
