Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
