I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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