You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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