Already got asked if we're dating
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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