Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
