i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
