My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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