It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
