i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
its not stalking. its research.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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