my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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