Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
