Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
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It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?