By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.