My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
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Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.