oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.