sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.