Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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