I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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