im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
