She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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