Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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