I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
