no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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