If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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