If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
