I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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