i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You ruined the universe
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
