my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize