can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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