she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my liver is dry heaving
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
